Category: children

Good grief, so much to do. No one tells you that becoming a parent is all about *responsibility*. I kinda thought things would get easier once the baby was born, since Sharon would stop complaining about her knees hurting and it’d just be us and a very small human. A baby doesn’t even take up that much room! And their lungs are tiny, so everyone must’ve been exaggerating how loud they can be.

Oh how wrong a person can be. Here we are, seven years later, and somehow Lila is just as much effort as before. SOMEHOW. Yes, blah blah, I love her and all that, but wow.

Now she wants a birthday party, with her other seven-year-old friends, so there will be even more of them all gathered in the same place expecting to be entertained. Great, cool. Still, there are kids party venues for hire in Bentleigh East to deal with this sort of thing. I have no real party planning skills, and I’m a terrible entertainer. Just ask Lila. She was four years old when she fired me from bedtime stories because my reading wasn’t dramatic enough. I was served a written notice of being let go, albeit written in crayon with a lot of missing or added letters. I’m not exactly good at this stuff.

Still…clowns are still a thing, right? I also heard about this guy who does rap; he sounds like good fun. I’ve heard he’s very funky and educational. But mostly, I’m hoping that there are people at the party venue who know about this sort of thing- I mean, why wouldn’t there be?- and they can be the ones to take it off my hands. Lickety-split, that’s that, children all entertained, thanks to the very good services of whatever birthday party venues open in Melbourne I can find…in two days. Wow, time sure does fly. Better get a move on. After I file these taxes.

-Roy

Someone called me an ‘amateur clown’ recently. I suppose that sums it up pretty well. Always knew that styling myself as a birthday clown would be off-putting to some, but the title has been in my family for generations, so I wasn’t about to let it go. Besides, it’s all about the service. Word-of-mouth, reviews…that’s what it’s all about nowadays! That, and knowing your audience and community. I wouldn’t last long in the profession if I hadn’t mapped out each and every kids party venue in the Sydney area and made a mental note of travel times, facilities, equipment…it’s a lot more stress than you’d think, honestly. Yes, being a clown has homework. Sad, but there you go. When it comes to bringing happiness to children, you have to put in the work.

Oh, and of course it’s all about the educational content nowadays. Can’t just blow up a balloon, turn it into a dog and call it a day. Nope! Got to blow up a balloon, turn it into a dog and get the kids to tell you the various parts of the body. “Do humans have a tail? Why do dogs have a tail? How can you tell that a dog is happy by looking at the tail?”

Parents love that kind of thing. In fact, you can teach anyone of any age anything with balloons. I’m working on twisting a balloon into a double-helix and then trying to sell the idea to universities. Jury is out on that one, but mostly, when I’m at a kids birthday party venue, parents are okay with the ‘label the animals’ thing.

Oh, and my sister very specifically said that being a clown ‘isn’t going to get me any dates’. Well, bet she feels stupid now, since I totally did. All signs point to this being the right career choice thus far. In fact, I just got my first interstate booking for an indoor play centre in Jandakot. It would take me over forty hours to drive there, so…um, can’t make it, unfortunately. Still, nice to know I have an interstate reputation.

-Maddie