Mechanics in Space

There was a surprising amount of people in the room for the information session about becoming a member of the Auto King’s space flight crew. Each of them wore lab coats that they’d probably bought from a two-dollar store.

I drew many curious glances, as I wore a gambeson instead of a lab coat, and instead of a calculator, I carried a bow. Nonetheless, I found a seat amidst the group and waited, as everybody else seemed to be doing.

I heard a whisper behind me, as a few people spoke about how they’d been recruited by some Mornington automotive specialists. I thought this was odd since the meeting was being held in Brighton. I guessed anybody around Hobart was being selected.

Eventually, somebody walked onto the stage in front of us. He was a tall man with a strange hat and a comically long moustache. 

“I am the Auto King’s top general,” he announced. “But you may call me Rufus. Now, many of you are probably wondering what you are doing here. We believe you have what it takes to be crew in the King’s spacecraft. Why would you do this? The answer is simple. You will have free access to the best shop in Mornington for tyres and auto repair. Now if that isn’t an excellent deal, I don’t know what is.”

“What would we be doing in the Auto King’s space crew?” I asked.

“An excellent question,” Rufus said. “You would be making people around Victoria fear for their safety while acting as if you serve Premier Norris. That way, people will not vote for Norris, and Dr Dark McBane will be elected instead, as he has promised to liberate sentient cars all across Victoria.” 

Rufus took a deep breath and frowned. “Unfortunately, you shall not be joining this army, Mr Terrance, as you have already destroyed many of the scientists we employ. To the rest of you, I say, if you defeat this vagabond, you shall all be admitted into the Auto King’s ranks. Now destroy him!”

Uh, oh. Seemed as if I’d have to fight my way out of this one.

– Victor Terrance

Smart Cars that are Actually Smart?

automotive service RingwoodIf there’s one innovation we’re missing in the modern world of 2018, it’s cars that can talk to us. And no, I don’t mean stuff like “My fuel is low. Please fill up on fuel at your earliest convenience” or “My tires are feeling soft. Isn’t it time you filled them up?”

I want a car you can actually chat to. You know, like the people on the radio, except your car would actually be talking back, offering advice, listening to your problems, making recommendations for awesome shows to binge on Neat-Flicks and maybe sharing family recipes. You can’t look at your phone while driving, and I’m not really big into music, so this would at least make the morning commute slightly more bearable.

I know of a few good places in Ringwood, automotive services and electrical engineering stuff are their speciality. Maybe I could ask next time I’m in and see if they’ve heard any murmurings in the industry. I remember seeing a similar thing on a show from the eighties: it was Snit from Spite-Glider, the show about a super-secret government agent who used a sentient hang-glider to get to his missions, and the hang-glider was always really snippy and snarky. So imagine that, but it’s a car, and the AI is programmed to be a lot nicer.

I guess people who do car servicing will need a whole new degree when that becomes a thing, although maybe it’ll be even easier to carry out repairs and servicing because the car will just tell you exactly what you need. You know, beep boop, my left axle need tightening, and could you scratch my exhaust port…yep, that’s the spot. Cars can’t reach their own itches, after all; they don’t even have hands.

That will be the Ringwood car servicing of the future. Might make services cheaper if the car mostly does all the work, although if you want an AI with the voice of a movie star, that’ll cost you extra. I just want one who’ll lend a listening ear to my problems.

-Alex