ice skating brain freeze


It all started when as a toddler. I discovered ice-cream and would demonstrate the most intense brain freezes. I mean, they were so strong you could see me go cross-eyed and get that shell shocked look. Then I’d go back for another bite. There’s a video of it, it’s pretty funny.

It wasn’t just a hilarious baby thing but would become a recurring thing for me. Not only was my response to a brain freeze more exaggerated than the average person’s, but I was also more prone to brain freezes. I was vulnerable to them on winter mornings, and entering commercial freezers was like shoving an icy plug into my skull.  

Some people get their kicks out of inebriation, for me, it’s a brain freeze. I don’t eat cold stuff all the time, I’m not addicted, but a little bit in moderation isn’t too bad for you. When I get that brain freeze feeling… hot diggity.

I can’t believe it’s taken me until my thirties to discover the illicit brain freezing pleasures of the ice skating rink. My brother was looking at kids birthday party venues around docklands when he found it and decided to have his daughter’s tenth birthday there. Naturally, he invited me for a bit of a laugh. He had no idea how funny the results would be.

Imagine getting like ten brain freezes all at once, like someone slamming a bunch of soft serves into your cranium. It was amazing. I stood there gawping, drooling. I’d lost control and I liked it. My niece laughed at me, pointing me out to all her friends.
They started chanting, “Brain freeze, brain freeze”over and over, egging me on for more. I was so brain frozen, when I got home that night I slept like a baby.

I’m in an interesting predicament now. My boss is looking at the ice skating rink for function venues around Melbourne. While I love a good brain freeze, this is not something I want my colleagues to see. And that’s how I came to be called Brain Freeze. Or Unkie Brain Freeze to the kids.