Trying to Sort Things (life) Out

keynote speaker SydneyI hear they sometimes sentence people who’ve committed crimes to seminars in lieu of jail time. Like, really long seminars where motivational speakers tell them how to straighten out their lives. So my question is this: what crime do I have to commit to get myself sentenced to one of these, and how do I make it so the whole thing doesn’t go pear-shaped and land me in jail.

I just need SO much sorting out. There’s a pile of laundry in my apartment that’s been there for three weeks. Putting it in the washing machine would take all of a minute, but then I think about having to take it out, hang it all up and that job just goes out the window. I spend all my free time on gaming. My bathroom is not a habitable environment for visitors. And don’t even get me started on the ironing.

I’ve thought about looking for an Australia conference speaker and getting a good talking to, but then I couldn’t even afford it. Of course I couldn’t; conference speakers are meant for conferences! Even if I could, I’d feel like such an idiot sitting there in the middle of the room with a conference speaker up the front, motivating me to keep going with my life or whatever else it is they say. I’ve had friends who’ve had people like that come into their offices and stuff, and they’ve all said it was top-notch stuff. Somehow, working in fast food, I don’t think we’re ever getting to that stage. There’s not much motivation that comes from shoveling fries and taking orders, and not much is needed either.

But why not?? We’re representing McDoogle’s, one of the largest fast food chains on the planet. Why is it we don’t deserve a bit of motivation? That’s it: I’m looking around for a keynote speaker in Sydney somewhere and taking this idea to the boss. It definitely beats the same thing, but with a criminal record.