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Glass Balustrade Meeting

I pushed open the heavy oaken doors, allowing Abigail to enter the large gothic manse ahead of me. She brushed past me as she did – my strength only carried the door open a fraction – and I was struck again by her casual familiarity after only just meeting on the driveway. 

‘I wonder if anybody else received an invite,’ she mused, walking through the lobby with an almost practised ease. The mysterious Baron who had summoned us to his strange corner of the world for a mysterious ‘event’ had yet to make an appearance; though the gold-foil invitation he had sent me almost hummed with anticipation in my jacket pocket.

‘Hello?!’ Abigail called out into the empty house, and I rushed to shush her. ‘What?’ she frowned. ‘Afraid we’ll disturb the person who’s come to give an estimate on residential glazing? There’s nobody here, Rennings.’

Out of nowhere, a thunderclap rocked the world outside the windows and we both shrieked in fright, clutching one another. As the sound faded, we quickly disentangled ourselves.

‘By Jove!’ a new voice sounded, incredulous and foppish. ‘There are more people here!’ 

We turned and saw a well-dressed young man with a boyish face bounding towards us across the vast entry hall. In his hand, he carried an ancient oil lantern, and two more people – a stern man and an older woman – trailed behind him.

‘Not so fast, Hugh,’ the woman scolded, as she struggled to keep up on her cane. ‘Where are your manners?’

With his back to the pair, only Abigail and I could see Hugh rolling his eyes. He did, however, slow down slightly.

‘You received an invitation too?’ the stern man asked us from beneath some incredibly bushy eyebrows.

‘We’re not out here to check out the imported glass balustrades – Melbourne has nicer ones anyway,’ Abigail yawned.

‘Yes,’ I said, stepping past my uninvited companion to offer my hand to the gentleman. He did not acknowledge the gesture, but Hugh grabbed it enthusiastically. 

‘Superb,’ he grinned up at us. ‘Say, when do you think we’ll meet—’

Another clap of thunder and suddenly, there was a man on the stairs above us.

Dog Walking Pain

I slowed to a walk, Bella panting happily by my ankles as she trotted alongside me for our nightly jog. I winced as my foot hit the path, a line of pain flaring up the muscles of my leg. After a few more steps it got bad enough that I had to hobble towards a park bench.

Bella trotted along happily, not overly concerned with my leg and foot pain as I collapsed onto the rough wooden seat. Had this been bothering me for a while? I wondered, as I worked my shoe off. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone for a run without some minor foot pain, but it had never been bad enough to sit me down, that was for sure.

A friend of mine had recommended I try compression socks for foot pain when I’d mentioned it to him, but I’d never gotten around to making the appointment with the podiatrist. Bella made a low whining noise – why were we still sitting, when we could be jogging?!

I laughed at her and took a deep breath. Looking up, I scoped out the distance to the car and saw that it was going to be quicker to complete our circuit of the park to get back to the car than it would be to just walk back the way we came. Bella’s tail wagged as she picked up on my plans, psychically. 

‘Should have just bitten the bullet and found me one of those good podiatrists near Cheltenham,’ I grunted, wrapping my hand around the arm of the bench and pushing up. I tested my weight on the injured foot and found that it was bearable enough.

‘Come on, Bell,’ I jerked my head, and the little dog yapped in delight that we were finishing our walk. She trotted along nicely beside me – clearly hoping that I wouldn’t notice I wasn’t holding her lead.

‘Nice try,’ I chuckled, but decided she could have a few metres off it at least.

New hotel windows

If there is one thing I am not, it is an entrepreneur. My family on the other hand are all about it. Everyone is a businessperson, an innovator, an entrepreneur, or an investor. I can’t back it. I’m going to sound like a totally unappreciative kid right now but last year my father gave me a hotel for my birthday. A hotel! What on earth am I going to do with a hotel! With this hotel he also gave me a start-up grant to make any changes I want to make so it can be ‘ready to go’. I don’t know the first thing about running a business or a hotel so I don’t know what he’s expecting me to do with this. The only thing I noticed about the hotel is that there was no commercial glass tinting. I think that’s one of the first amendments I’ll make because I know for a fact no one wants to be in the hotel room getting changed knowing that the rest of the street and adjacent buildings are looking through the window and can see everything that is going on. 

As far as other things I’d like to do, I guess the canvas is pretty open. I think I’d like to have a bellhop who can assist guests with their luggage. Anytime I’ve been to a hotel that has a bellhop, things feel that little bit classier. I would also like the hallways to have gold mirrors and perhaps a red carpet. I think the more prestigious I make everything look the more I can justify charging people a higher price per night. Before I do any of that, I’m going to look for a Melbourne based commercial window tinting specialist. I figure that window tinting might be a big job and if I get it started I’ll be able to work on other things too. You know what, maybe this hotel thing is for me? Maybe my dad gave me this hotel for a reason. I think I’m going to give this a real go.

Foot Care Lesson

I sat in the back of the cluttered classroom, foot idly tapping away at a song in my head – music players could be confiscated by overzealous teachers, I’d learned, but they couldn’t do anything about the hundreds of albums I’d been memorising since I was a toddler.

The teacher was droning on about something at the front of the room, gesturing limply at an equation on the board with his worn-down piece of chalk – probably a rousing lecture on where to buy foot care products in Cheltenham, or whatever boring thing adults cared about when they got old and started to experience new and exciting varieties of foot pain.

Whatever he was going on about, I had no doubt I would never need it in my life. Trigonometry? Please. My phone could do more maths in five seconds than Einstein could have managed in his entire life – and it wasn’t even particularly close. History? Every encyclopaedia ever written had been digitised a decade ago and uploaded to one website or another. English was a tricker one, until those AI chatbots were invented not too long ago…

So, yeah. I didn’t much see the point of hearing someone ancient drone on about something I didn’t want or need to care about, just because some bureaucrat, who had already been retired for thirty years, decided in a meeting once that I needed to have this bit of information told to me, in this order.

Hell, maybe I would have been paying attention if it was something unexpected, like learning about different arch support options. 

I became aware of a sudden silence and lack of movement in the room, and looked up from my distracted daze, the record in my head scratching to a stop.

‘Well, Ms. Jones?’ the teacher asked from the front of the class, arms folded sternly.

‘What’s that now?’ I frowned.

‘The answer,’ he said, exasperatedly tapping at the equation on the board. ‘How do we solve for it?’

‘Oh,’ I laughed. ‘Oh, that’s easy. One sec…’

I reached into my bag to pull out my phone.

The Long Haul

I’m never driving from Brisbane to Melbourne again. Not even if ten thousand angry, rabid rabbits are chasing me. Not even if my life depends on it. Rabbits, you can just take me. I’ll accept my fate without complaint.

That was the worst drive of my entire life. By now I’ve listened to all my music several times over and burned through all my podcasts. I should have bought some audio books or something. I’m exhausted and extremely bored. At one point, I decided to start counting how many 4×4 aluminium canopies I could see on the road, like my own. It would have been a fun game, if not for the fact that I didn’t see a single other car on the entire trip. Somehow my final count was sixteen, but I’m pretty sure it was just my own ute canopy that I spotted, over and over again.

I think the only thing that stopped me from going literally insane was the fact that my job is super important. I’m not sure what this equipment I’m delivering is for, but I’ve been assured that it is of the utmost importance. After this stop, I’m off to Adelaide, then back to Melbourne. I’m sure I’ll be able to count plenty of ute canopies near Melbourne, so my game should be slightly more entertaining at least.

Alright, so I do have to address the elephant in the car. Last time I posted, I said that I wouldn’t be like a politician, dodging questions about how I am making these blog posts without any internet. Well, that’s exactly what I did, and I feel like I owe you all the truth now. So here it is. I’m going to say it. Get ready for this, because it’s going to blow your minds.

Actually, I don’t think it would be fair to just drop this all on you right now. I think I’ll have to dedicate a whole blog post to this topic. It’s really not worth waiting for, though. In fact, it might be better if you all just forgot about this, because it’s not even something you’d want to know about.

Keeping your summer cool

Air conditioning is the best way to keep your home cool in the summer, this is an undisputed fact. The best way to ensure your system is running efficiently is by making sure you get regular maintenance for your air conditioning, Melbourne can be brutally hot in January. What a lot of people don’t understand is that there are many others ways to keep your home cool on those balmy hot summer days. Simple things like keeping curtains closed will help stop the sun heating your rooms through windows. Leaving a door open on the shady side of your home will allow air to flow through your home and cool it down. If there is a hot wind blowing you’ll want to keep your doors and windows closed until it passed. Open your house in the evening when it starts to cool down to help the heat escape from your home.

Another neat trick is to use a box fan to cool your attic space. Box fans can be found at your local hardware store for relatively cheap and come in a variety of sizes. You’d be surprised at the amount of heat that comes from your roof. If your house doesn’t have good insulation the heat from your roof will heat up your home quickly. You can bring down the temperature in that space by installing a box fan to circulate cool air through your ceiling. The hot air will be blown down through the vents that surround your ceiling.

This is a fantastic and cheap way to keep your home nice and comfortable during peak summer heat. It won’t do much on days when it gets incredibly humid, but will still make a noticeable difference.

If you truly want to beat the heat this summer and stay cool in your home, air conditioning is still the best way to go. Scheduling air conditioning repairs in Melbourne when needed will ensure your air con is working efficiently and saving you money on your power bill.

The Second Workshop

When I arrived at the Adelaide workshop, I didn’t hesitate to enter the building. Disappointingly, there was no valet, so I had to park my own car like a pleb, but I managed. As I entered, intending to fulfil the latest condition of my father’s will, so that I can get my billions of dollars, I called out to the nearest staff member. He turned out to be the manager and had been expecting my arrival for some time.

“Ah, Mr Hunter,” the man said, “there is something your father wanted me to show you while we complete your log book service. Around Adelaide, a good log book service is hard to come by, but you’ll find that we provide the best.”

The manager took me toward the back of the shop, into his office. There, he motioned for me to take a seat across from his own. The room smelt strongly of bitter coffee, a half-full mug sitting on the desk. As the manager picked it up and took a sip, he opened a draw and began rummaging through it. Finally, he put down his cup of coffee and pulled out a photo frame. He slid it across the table so that I could have a closer look.

The picture was in black and white, depicting my father in peasant clothing. He stood with the owner, cups of thick, dark liquid in glasses they held. I assumed it was red wine. Both men looked as if they hadn’t aged a day since.

“Your father was a master at charming others,” said the owner. “He convinced almost everybody in Adelaide to come here for their car repair. Without him, I don’t think we’d be here today.”

I shook my head, hands trembling. Pushing my chair back, I stood. It couldn’t be true. There was no way that my father ever would have done service for the working class. He was a billionaire. Such work was beneath him. Surely the manager had it wrong. My father had simply donated money to this workshop. That had to be it.

Before the owner could speak another word, I left the workshop, hoping this nightmare would be over soon.

– Will Hunter

Cars and People

I’ve got a book recommendation for you all. It’s called Cars and People, and it’s about a detective who comes to Melbourne to solve a cold case that has bothered him for his entire career. Retracing his steps from three decades ago, Detective Stein finds himself in Bentleigh, the suburb where it all went wrong for him. He soon discovers that the criminal who has eluded him for so long is still alive. So begins an epic game of cat and mouse, although the cat isn’t who you think he is. You see, the criminal has lured the detective back to finish the job for good, using old evidence as bait. In this book, the detective is the mouse.

It all starts when Detective Stein visits a mechanic around Bentleigh, where a lot of the clues point toward. This mechanic is right across the street from the scene of the crime, which is still covered in police tape, even thirty years later. Although this mechanic shop has changed hands, the crucial clue the detective needs is beneath the floorboards – figuratively speaking. The clue is actually in an abandoned car that has been sitting at the back of the shop for years.

Detective Stein thinks he’s onto something, but that’s when the criminal reveals himself and his horrible plan. Suddenly Stein is on the run, framed for a crime he didn’t commit. A hidden clue at the auto electrical shop near Bentleigh was just the beginning! None of Stein’s old friends will help him, and he’s now a disgrace to the police force. With nowhere else to go, Stein turns to an old lover. Jessica Cruz worked on the case with him all those years ago, until she fell in love with Stein and left the force in disgrace. Stein and Jessica must work together to prove that he didn’t commit the crime. Only then can he return to the life he always wanted, perhaps this time with the love of his life by his side.

It’s a great book. I definitely didn’t write it. If you see Cars and People in stores, you should definitely buy it!

Balustrade Broken

I don’t know why Fernando won’t listen to me when I tell him that I broke the balustrade on the stairs! Normally I would have no problems throwing Gizmo under the bus, but he wasn’t even in the house at the time, so that hardly seems fair. Also, the documentary crew caught me breaking the balustrade on camera so there’s no point in denying it. They can’t show Fernando the footage until the documentary is over, which will be in about four years, but he would hate me when he did see it.

How many times do I have to say that I broke the stair balustrade before he believes me? He thinks I’m just covering for Gizmo, as if I would want to do that! I don’t care if Gizmo loses his position as the household familiar. We’ll just get another one. Probably one that is less sneaky and takes fewer holidays. Maybe I should just change my story and say that it was Gizmo’s fault. Fernando can’t see the footage for ages and by then he will have forgotten all about him. But that would be a truly evil thing to do. I would have to be some sort of twisted creature of darkness to pin it on him right after he has arranged for glass repair around Melbourne.

Oh, wait, I’m a vampire! I am a twisted creature of darkness, so that shouldn’t be a problem. I will blame Gizmo and get him kicked out. It’s a brilliant plan that won’t fail. Lazarus doesn’t like Gizmo either, so he will back me up. I just need to get Robin Collinson on my side. Is he willing to lie about the balustrade incident? He will probably say no just to get on my nerves and drain my energy, so I might have to use a fear tactic here. It may be the only way.

But then again, what if Fernando’s next familiar is even worse than Gizmo? It’s just so hard to decide what to do!

– Nadia

Driving and Bragging

They’ve done it again! The Panthers have won the Australian football championship for the third time in four years. I can’t believe it. I’ve been following this team for forty years and never thought I’d see a single championship win, let alone three. I’m literally shaking with excitement. I think it’s time to drive around the streets with a Panthers flag on top of my car and two scarves out the window, just to let the entire world know about my team’s latest, most epic win.

Thank goodness I got that car service near Malvern the other day, otherwise, my car wouldn’t be drivable. I needed urgent break repair by a qualified auto mechanic, and thankfully they got the job done just as efficiently as the Panthers did today. We absolutely thrashed the Moe Mice by five goals in an emphatic display, and I want everybody to know it. Maybe I should get some paint and write the final score on the side of my car.

Marty Dust won the medal for best player in the match, which makes it his third medal of that kind. Nobody has ever won three of them before, being the best player in a championship match three times, which officially makes Marty the greatest of all time. I should probably put that information on my car for everyone to see as well.

Alright, well it’s time to spend the next six hours driving about and bragging. I’ll play the Panthers’ song on my stereo and have the windows down. I just hope my car’s battery doesn’t die or something. I would be quite sad if the celebrations were cut short by a trip to an Elwood car service. The mechanic I saw the other day suggested that it would soon be time to replace the battery, but I figured it would be fine for a few more days. Now I’m starting to worry that was unwise. Oh well, we’ll see how I go. Go Panthers, you truly are a dynasty team now!

– Eric