My creepy collection

photobooths I’m obsessed with collecting photobooth photos. As a kid, did you ever put your hand into the coin dispenser of a telephone booth, hoping to collect a little change? Well, I do a similar thing with photobooths. Melbourne has got a tonne of them in the city, and I just walk past, stick my hand into the machine and see if there are any abandoned photos in there. At first I wasn’t expecting to find anything but you’d be surprised how many people leave pictures behind. When you consider all of the duds that are taken, people not ready for the flash, realising they need to tidy up their hair after a shot, or simply because the picture didn’t turn out right, a lot of people leave the unwanted photos behind. As a result, I have a collection of dishevelled, unprepared deer-in-the-headlights photos.

Some people may think my collection is creepy, but the more I do it the more obsessed I become. When the topic of pastimes comes up, I rarely mention that I wander the city raiding photo booths, Melbourne has enough weirdos in its CBD. And it’s not like I do anything weird with the photos… I mean, I don’t use them in black mass rituals or create fake social accounts or anything like that. I just love looking at them and inventing stories about the people inside. My favourite picture is one taken of an enigmatic, chill-inducing character. He’s got unkempt hair as grey as storm clouds and black bags under his eyes. But his most mysterious feature is this indescribably anachronistic quality, as if he came from another time. Sometimes I wonder if he’s a ghost. Far fetched, I know, but just goes to show the power of that image.

I don’t know what I’ll end up doing with my collection, but who knows, perhaps it’ll catch on and photobooth photo collectors will become a thing. I guess there’s a first for everything.

An insomniac’s worst nightmare

tree stump removal I’ve been an insomniac since as far back as I can remember. No matter what I try, sleep evades me. I’ve tried pharmaceutical drugs, exercise, yogic breathing – nothing seems to help. I’ve even tried counting sheep backwards but a good night’s rest remains inaccessible to me. The main thing that prevents me from sleeping is that I’m sensitive to sounds: TV in the next room, birds chirping in the evening, even cars passing on the road outside. Little did I know that the next thing to ruin my sleep would be a tree stump removal. Melbourne is a busy place full of sounds.

Last week I was having the worst bout of insomnia I’ve had in a long time. I’d barely slept a handful of hours in several days. I was wired. I’d tried to sleep several times and spent hours tossing around in bed, eventually giving up and getting out to do something. When it got to 7am on the third day I was desperate. I’d have tried anything to get some shut eye. I scoured the internet for a technique I had not yet tried. That’s when I came across ASMR.

ASMR stands for autonomous sensory meridian response. It’s that tingling sensation you get when you’re very relaxed and listening to soothing sounds. There are tonnes of videos on the internet of people talking in a slow low voice and others of people unwrapping parcels. People listen to these recordings on their headphones for relaxation and to help with sleep, many swearing by the relaxation method.

I finally got into bed with my headphones, ready to get some rest. The soothing voice came through the earpiece and I felt a pleasurable chill across my scalp. Then, my relaxation was interrupted by a roar from outside. There was a company outside doing stump grinding. Melbourne is a pretty tightly knit city so although the tree stump removal was at a neighbour’s house the noise sounded very close by. The noise of the tree removal was too overpowering for the gentle recordings and I had to give up.

As you can imagine, I was devastated. I’ll definitely give ASMR another try but it’ll have to be at a better time of day when the neighbours aren’t doing tree felling.

Growing up with a tech addict

software development courses My brother has always been a big nerd. It started with television, then progressed to computers and video games, and finally onto mobile devices like phones and tablets. He loves everything about them from the games to the design programs – gosh, he can even do things with Microsoft Word you’d never thought possible. My parents and I always knew he’d get into IT when he grew up. We knew it had to be something involving technology whether that be development, design or even building robots!

It came as no surprise to us when he enrolled in the software development course. Melbourne has some of the best courses and diplomas for IT in the world, so he’s quite fortunate to have this opportunity. My brother loved his course from the get go and took to it like a fish to water. It was really cute to see his enthusiasm when coming home from Melbourne, describing his classes and assignments to us over the dinner table. He’d talk about developing applications and software and all the cool ideas he had for new programs. Turns out he’s doing really well in the course too so he’ll be making a lot of money some day. So much for being a nerd – he’ll be driving in a Lamborghini before he’s thirty.

I was never as heavily into tech stuff as my brother was, but when I saw how much fun he was having in his course, I actually pulled out of my arts degree and enrolled in an IT course. It was a bit more challenging because I didn’t know as much about information technology or software development as my brother, but after I while I discovered I had a lot of talent in this area too. All in all, growing up with a nerd in the family ended up leading me down a path I never expected. It’s also amazing how much influence older siblings can have over their brothers and sisters.

The Joys of Foreign Computing

I went overseas to open my eyes and broaden my horizons. You know, how you’re supposed to when you’re in your early twenties and feeling single and…ready to mingle? I mean mingle with other cultures, obviously. So I took a trip to Albajeria. Interesting place. On my first day at the hotel, I was offered a local delicacy: a squid ink sundae. That was just the start of a chain of weird experiences…though nothing managed to trump the squid ink sundae, fortunately. And to think, all of this was caused by an IT course. Melbourne has actually never felt more like home.

Oh, go and do some real work experience in another country, the posters said! You’ll love it and gain valuable insight, they said! I guess I gained valuable insight and experience in work. The whole reason the trip was organised was because my Mum’s relatives (who I have never met) were trying to set up a business in the capital city, and they needed an IT expert. I’m not exactly that, strictly speaking…I mean, I’m still studying. But they heard ‘IT course’ and apparently they were clamouring to get me over and help out. Well, I got to meet my family, which is…nice. They’re interesting people. People who knew nothing about computers, so I basically got IT experience by setting up their entire cash management system, installing their security cameras and even doing a bit of web development, which is not my area but I still knew more about it than the guy making their website. All the while, I sampled their country’s delicacies.

I actually did go on a camping trip with some Aussie students up to the mountains, and that was five days of incredible scenery and fascinating culture. Also, none of them needed someone doing an IT course, because they were monks who didn’t need electricity. I’m really starting to think that they had the right idea about things.

-Ian

The social world of studying game design

During my time as a student, I took a number of game development courses. Melbourne is just great for these cutting-edge game courses and I had a great time. Along the way I realised how social you’ve got to be to make it in the industry, so here’s how I made the most of my IT courses.

Getting involved in extracurricular activities may not be as important while you’re studying humanities or even something more practical like science or law. However, game dev is special because it’s hands-on, creative and vocational all at the same time. Getting involved in things outside of your classes will help a tonne when you’re looking for a job after graduating. For example, I took part in a yearly game jam with my friends. We stayed up for three days drinking coffee and building a game. It was hard work but the game turned out awesome and it was so fun to see what the other teams had produced. I’d also recommend checking all the notice boards at uni, keeping up to date with your facebook feed and even asking your tutors what to get involved in outside of your game design course.

Meeting people in your industry is just as important for maximising your career prospects. You basically have to go to all the events you can go to, say hi to everyone and chat with everyone you can. For me as a shy person it was quite challenging at first but I did ease into it. Once I shed off my youthful insecurities, I found that most people are pretty pleasant to deal with (especially people in the gaming/IT field – they’re so chill!) and more often than not they’re willing to help hook you up with your next job or gig. I even got chatty with people at my part time job (I worked in a bar at the time) and was surprised to find that even this helped me meet some people in the industry. Talking to everyone sure was an unexpected way to make the most of my gaming courses.

The eternal student

dry needling At the time that I finished high school, I jumped straight into university without a break. So I was very young while completing my first degree which was a bachelor of arts. Many of the other students were about the same ages as me, or slightly older having taken a year or two off to travel, but there was also the odd mature aged student as well. Some were coming back to study after a long stint in the workforce, while others seemed to be what I now call ‘perpetual students’. It was taking them 6-7 years, for instance, to complete their part time degrees, or they were up to their second or third degree and still had a zest for learning. I looked at these people with mixed disapproval and admiration. Why were they still at uni? Were they becoming super intelligent freaks or were they just bumming around?

It’s weird, but even after my second, third, fourth return to university I never saw myself becoming one of these people. Presently I’m studying dry needling
courses. Australia is one of the best places in the world to get an education and the possibilities are endless. How can I stop adding to my wealth of knowledge when there is just so much out there to learn! Dry needling is just one of many fascinating topics of study. I’m learning how to use filament needles to treat muscle pain and dysfunction for conditions of mobility and sports injuries. Where I live in Melbourne, dry needling courses can compliment a degree in osteopathy, physiotherapy and many related fields. They’re also fully accredited so you’ve got the option of opening your own practice when you finish your studies … but I still don’t know when that will be. People may look down their noses at me, but I’m starting to accept my fate as the eternal student.

Unwanted body hair be gone!

mens laser hair removal Melbourne I’ve been reading about this great guy, Joe Jones, the man who single handedly changed the way that men think about laser hair treatments in Melbourne. All my life I’ve been what most people consider a rather hairy man. I know that people should be happy with the way that their body looks, but I can’t help it. I’ve always felt self conscious about the way my body hair looks, and as such, I’ve avoided the beach for several years. I hated the way that people would point and stare. I’d very much like to go back one day, since my wife likes to swim. This is why I’ve decided I’m doing it. I’m getting rid of my body hair for good. I need to be able to feel confident enough to not wear a shirt, and the only way I’ll do that is by following in the footsteps of Joe Jones. I’ve probably watched all of his documentaries, I’m a huge fan of his work. I also eagerly watched the laser hair removal documentary he did with bated breath. Tomorrow I’ll be going to get my very first laser hair removal. Melbourne has an impressive number of salons that specialise in hair removal for men. I’m going to the same clinic that Mr. Jones went to in his documentary. I’m really happy with my decision, and that I get to be in the same place of my hero, walk in his footsteps so to speak. The lady on the phone at the cosmetic treatments salon was so kind to me. I explained my situation and she was very understanding. I asked if the procedure was going to painful, and was assured that most people only feel minor discomfort. To be honest I would have gone through with the hair removal regardless but it’s nice to know that it won’t hurt. I’m excited to surprise my wife with a smooth chest and back, she’ll be so shocked.

Death on a Cruiseship

S Funerals o, despite the fact that I spent all the money I’ve saved up from day dot to go on a cruise with old people, everything has gone pretty great until today. That’s right, people, you can be young and go on a cruise! I don’t want to go backpacking in some dirty hostel somewhere with fleas and unwashed people, I didn’t want to go to schoolies so I can drink illegally because I would have been underage. I wanted to wait until mid December and go on a cruise around the Pacific Islands. Okay, maybe I hadn’t realised that there would basically only be old people here (apart from me and Liz) but we can still tear it up and enjoy the sunshine. It’s fun drinking margaritas and flirting with poolboys (although old men flirting with us and that’s, like, super icky).

To be honest, apart from seeing them everywhere, all the old people hardly made any difference to the trip at all. That was, until today at least. This morning we got called downstairs and one of the staff members told us Magerie and her husband Derek, this super sweet old couple travelling together, had passed away at about the same time during the night. I know right! What a shocker! I half expected someone to go DUN DUN DUUUUNN in the background, but no one did. It was actually really sweet, like the Notebook or something, and apparently this happens like all the time. The guy told us their funeral home’s in Perth and the family wanted to get the body back there. So now there’s like two dead bodies on the ship somewhere. How creepy is that? Me and Liz were super tempted to go looking for them, but Jorge wouldn’t even give us any clues about where they were. I’ve never seen a dead body, and I reckon it would be pretty cool but Liz was a little freaked out about the whole thing, so I let it go.

Anyway, I get that the family wanted to have their funerals in Perth, but I reckon it’d be fun to have them here. Add a little excitement to our lives. I guess I’m just morbid like that.

The ice hockey guy

I have no idea ho Ice skating Melbourne w it happened, living in Melbourne and all, but somehow I’ve snagged the perfect guy with one, giant flaw. He’s an ice hockey fanatic.

Usually, that’s pretty much an instant red flag. I mean come on, ice hockey is only really a thing in Canada, and certainly in Australia, where there’s natural ice on about five mountains for two weeks a year, ice hockey is a super niche sport. All of that basically translates to: he’s a weirdo. Secondly, ice hockey is known for being absolutely freakin’ brutal. All you have to do is Google ‘ice hockey injuries’ and you are suddenly put face to face with some of the most messed up faces that have ever existed on people who are still alive. Seriously. It’s terrifying. And thirdly, ice hockey is a cult. It’s not good enough for Steve that I smile and nod where appropriate during his detailed re-telling of the match, he wants to drag me into his world. He’s even considering the ice skating rink as one of his birthday party venues. Melbourne has so many, really nice places to hold a 21st, and even though I’ve suggested a couple of super nice places, he wants to have a party on the ice? Are you serious?

Well, apparently, he is serious, because between breaths describing famous ice hockey matches or games or whatever, he’s been talking about looking at whether there are any centres that offer function room hire in Melbourne. Un-freakin’-believable.

Why couldn’t it be a normal game, like soccer or AFL? Why did it have to ice hockey? This is just typical of me and my luck though, honestly. I get this great, good looking, smart, sensitive guy, who’s completely obsessed something like this. I’m telling you, it’s almost a deal breaker – or it least, it wouldn’t be if he wasn’t so good looking.

Sustainable housing with friends

I am in desperate need of some advice for my new home that is being built. It seems a little bit strange to ask my parents for help or advice when neither of them have any experience in construction. My parents aren’t even homeowners, they have rented their entire life. I don’t want to be like that, spending all that money and having nothing after years of spending. I want an investment, an asset. I hate the idea of wasting money paying off some other guy’s mortgage when I could be doing the same. Sure it’s a little more expensive but I am willing to work two jobs to make ends meet. I’m lucky because my partner works at a butcher and gets a lot of free meat at the end of her shift. Speaking of my partner I’m thinking of asking if she wants to buy this house with me. I know it’s a big move but I feel like she’s the one for me and that we’d be happy together. I’m going to take her out to dinner and try and subtly put the idea forward to see how she reacts. I’d ask her to marry me tomorrow if that were possible but until things charge living together will have to do. I’ve got an appointment this afternoon for a few beauty treatments to make myself feel more confident before I ask the big question. Pretty soon I’m going to need my monthly laser hair removal, Melbourne has some pretty impressive cosmetic treatment places. It’s not that I buy into the whole pressure from society to look a certain way. When I go and get cosmetic treatments done I do it to make myself feel good, not for any other reason. I don’t think people should be judged because they decide they want to look younger and get anti aging treatments. Melbourne is full of beautiful, independent woman who can look however they want. My girlfriend loves the way I look no matter what and I’m thankful to be with someone so supportive.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the kind of house that I want to own when I’m older. Both of my parents are environmental activists, I’ve grown up caring about our planet. That’s not to say that I’m perfect, I just like to do what I can for the world. If I’m going to have a house built it’s going to be done the eco friendly way. I want every material used in my green house in Melbourne to be from a sustainable source. Reclaimed and reused materials have because quite popular recently and have been featured in a number of style magazines. The only problem with this publicity is that reclaimed parts are much harder to find now. I’m always keeping an eye out for school closures so I can buy one of their portables to use as a base for my Melbourne environmental home. I’ve been researching all the possibilities and I already have a list of must have features including a water tank and solar panels. It’ll all come down to budget and what my better half wants in the end, I’m hoping my parents will help out a little. I have my fingers crossed that my girlfriend will be as excited by this idea as I am.